Alright, short version of a long story...

After moving in two years ago, our neighbors are finally throwing away all the trash in their backyard — some broken patio furniture, a bastardized patio table, and a couple of wood palettes.

They couldn't be bothered to clean up their yard during the time we lived here, but now that crazy neighbor lady's mother is going to have to find someone to rent our half of the place, I guess they had to be told to make it look presentable.

Speaks volumes about these people.

As Jen and I cleaned up the old house, we produced an entire half-yard of trash, ranging from clothes to furniture to actual garbage.

Our crazy neighbor was up at the crack of dawn picking through it. When we drove by later in the day, we realized she had dragged three things over by her house:

• An old vacuum cleaner,


• A lamp that lived next to my bed for the past 10 years,


• An old wooden chair, and


• A box of kitchen garbage.

Read that last item again. I don't mean kitchen garbage as in 'the old spice rack we just never used'.. I mean kitchen garbage as in "discarded food from the kitchen".

What kind of person steals your discarded table scraps?

I just read this article about Paris Hilton's grandfather donating to the re-election campaign of Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca. To be honest, I don't care about that.

I also read about how Paris is terrified of being photographed in jail. Oddly, I do care about that.

I have mixed feelings about Paris Hilton right now.

I find it very difficult to muster sympathy for her, because she has spent the last several years feeling as though she is immune to the rules that govern behavior for the rest of us. It’s not a matter of one of her assistants forgetting to inform her that DUI is illegal. Nor is it a matter of her publicist failing to explain that when she signs a piece of paper acknowledging that it’s unlawful for her to drive, it really means that she’s not allowed to drive. The fact that she is surrounded by people that function in a service capacity for her, is not a shield that protects her from the responsibility with which we all are charged.

That being said, the fact that she felt she could keep driving after losing her driving privileges makes me feel that she needs to be in jail right now. Hell, the fact that she so frequently (judging by the several times it has been caught on video) drives drunk, makes me think she deserved time when she was first charged with it.

However…

I believe the toilets in the inmate areas are in open view of the guards. That being said, I can certainly understand how Paris would be worried about a picture of her crapping in jail would impact her reputation.

Does this mean she is different than anyone else who is incarcerated and needs to poop?

I haven’t really answered that question for myself yet. I tend to lean toward ‘no’.

The Sheriff is basing much of his decision (or so he says to the media) on the premise that the criminal justice system should not seek to make an example of a celebrity, and that Paris deserves to be treated just like anyone else. In this respect, she should be allowed to go home and serve out her time on house arrest.

Except for the fact that the judge prohibited that option.

Which begs the next question: Shouldn’t Paris have to poop in the same place as everyone else?

The fact that a jail employee might take a picture of Paris in jail is a discipline problem that Sheriff Baca needs to deal with, and is independent of the fact that Paris is serving time.

But maybe this adds to the incentive for celebrities to avoid breaking the law?

There is a young couple that live in the condo next to ours. They seem pleasant, though not all that classy.

They have two dogs, one of which is a Pomeranian. Frankly, I think that's a breed that should be extinct. I've never seen an animal that just barks to hear itself bark. Fortunately, it virtually never barks in its house, so it doesn't bother us, but there's never any question when they are taking it out.

Which leads us to our next clue that they are trash. What kind of person doesn't clean up after their dogs? It's one thing if you live in a standalone home where your backyard only affects you, but this is a condo community. Nobody wants to see that pile laying next to the sidewalk.

Jen isn't shy — she's asked them a few times if they need dog bags. They usually make some excuse like the dog is just peeing. Yeah, like you would have brought a bag, but your dog said it didn't have to poop. Come on.

They had a friend over this past weekend and she apparently smokes. As evidenced by all the cigarette butts out in the breezeway.

Very classy.

Got to the tax collector around 8:45... the conversation went something like this:

So, I went to the ATM across the street and took out cash to pay for my tag. That has to be the most retarded policy I've ever heard of.

Then I went to Starbucks and paid $3.80 for half a mocha. Then I went back to Starbucks and traded it for a full mocha.

I hope this is not indicative of how the rest of my day is going to be.

Now, here's a nitwit. This is what is wrong with today's youth. I wonder if she chewed gum through the entire interview.

Everyday, as I drive to or from work or run errands, I must see 75% of the people at stop signs roll through them, and that's if they even slow down at all. The ones that are stopping are doing so because a car is coming and they can't blow through the intersection. Hardly anyone around here stops at a red light before turning right anymore.

Almost every time I run down the road on which I leave, someone comes flying out of one of the condominium or housing communities and nearly runs me over. Worse, they look at me like I'm completely insane when I point at their stop sign after they slam on breaks 15 feet past it.

To put this in perspective, I watched a stop sign a couple of blocks from my office for about 10 minutes one afternoon a few weeks ago. Out of 50 cars, only 4 stopped. That's more than 90% of the cars that ran the stop sign.

We live in such a world today that everything has to be right down to the wire. News has to be delivered 24 hours per day via SMS, people have to be accessible at all times via their Blackberry, and they simply must get from one place to the next in no time flat, because they're obviously oh-so-damn important.

I realize that the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office is stretched and the patrol units are running from call to call. I also realize that this leaves virtually no time for proactive traffic enforcement. But seriously, how did we let it get this lax that nobody even cares if they run a stop sign or a red light these days?